Cecil The Lion Bequeaths Solution to Greek Problem

Greek Lion
Greeks and Lions – Fate?

The cowardly murder of Zimbabwe’s Cecil the Lion has, understandably, drawn angry reaction around the world. While we can hope that the outpouring of anger and grief coagulates into positive action to protect wildlife, the clamor to shut down hunt tourism in Africa has identified a potentially huge source of income for austerity-battered Greece.

In a surprise move that European economists say may save the Eurozone from financial collapse, American sportsmen are to be invited to hunt Greeks. For $50,000 each, Wisconsin dentists can visit the cradle of Western democracy, get a tan, try the seafood, kill a Greek, and fly home again.

Only tagged Greeks would be targeted and there would be strict rules against luring them from their homes with Nana Mouskouri records, baklava and Ouzo. Tags would be drawn by lottery, Hunger Games-style, depending on demand. The draw would be televised live by Trump Entertainment’s media channel. Spain, Germany and the UK are expected to bid for the rights to host the weekly drawing, with Fox and NBC expected to challenge for television rights. Details are understandably scarce right now but Greece is expected to tag as many as 30 citizens a month depending on demand. Under the terms of the Trans-Atlantic Trade and Investment Partnership, TTIP, the American NRA is expected to sue Athens if that number is not tripled.

As reported here, American billionaire and professional loudmouth, Donald Trump, had initially trailed the pack of Republicans vying for the party’s presidential nomination. Determined to be president of something other than the 589 shell companies through which he channels money, Trump had been expected to announce a highly leveraged hostile takeover of Greece and had already signed the papers to remortgage the Hellenic Parliament.

However, since calling John McCain and other former prisoners of war losers and painting Hispanic immigrants as rapists and criminals, Trump has surged in popularity with the American public and finds himself leading the GOP’s race for the White House. This unexpected resurgence of Trump’s presidential campaign may be good news for the property tycoon but bad news for Greece, a campaign insider admitted. And, with the latest polls seeing an upsurge in domestic popularity, Trump’s sights have shifted away from Athens and are locked firmly on D.C.

Greeks were understandably relieved. Despite strict austerity measures imposed by German chancellor, Angela Merkel, Athens this week saw citizens dusting off bottles of Metaxa usually reserved for drunken Brits holidaying in the Aegean. But the festive mood has once again been shattered by these new proposals emanating from Berlin.

“This plan,” said a Trump insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, “is the sort of ingenious financial solution that the President Trump would bring to the American economy.”

“This solution could clear up all sorts of problems like dwindling retirement funds, Medicaid, Medicare, welfare and more. But don’t quote me on that,” he added.